I finally made my pregnancy public last night – through Facebook, of course. My family and friends have known for some time but I wanted to keep it quiet for two reasons…At 36, I’m considered an ‘older’ mum (tut, haha) and as a result you get lots of warnings about risks. It’s surprising how many of my friends didn’t know you are born with all your eggs and as you get older, so do they – so they deteriorate. Men meanwhile keep producing fresh spermies.
The other reason is I’ve been job hunting after being made redundant by Heart. Luckily I got a reasonable payout and have done odd bits of work which has all kept me going financially. It’s been weird not waking up and going to work every morning as I’ve had a job since I was 14, even if it was just a paper round. I feel a little lost some days. While some people, I’m sure would appreciate greatly not having to work for a while, especially while pregnant, it’s often left me feeling stressed, under pressure and inadequate. I did consider going abroad for a long holiday but decided against as I was sure I’d feel like I was wasting time and not focussing on what was really important, i.e. getting a job.
Anyway, one morning, I woke up and was pretty sure I was pregnant. My period was late, my boobs were mega sore and I felt a way I never had before physically…slightly dizzy, faint and a bit out of it. I went for a family picnic that day and said to my mum and sisters, “don’t get too excited but I think I may be pregnant.” I knew they’d be over the moon if I was right. Mum’s wanted me to have a baby for years. Victoria (nickname Moley) who has a one year old, immediately started talking about going through baby clothes. I was a little concerned what it would be like if I was mistaken about my ‘condition’ but was confident enough I was right to share my thoughts and besides, I needed them to know I wasn’t feeling too good.
Moley was desperate for me to do a pregnancy test but I wanted to wait a little longer. I had a massive weekend ahead…my partner Shaun was about to meet his birth Dad having not seen him since he was 8. Shaun’s now 32. Plus I was starting a new radio show, all by myself (another first) on Banbury Sound on Sunday. I thought it would be too much to try and digest confirmation I was pregnant with all that ahead so decided to wait till Sunday night.
Sunday night came and I was absolutely exhausted. But I’d been waiting all week to do the pregnancy test so was determined to get it done. Shaun and I went to a chemist in St Clements, Oxford
The following morning, Shaun went off to work as usual and things were fine between us – we both knew the arguing was just as a result of being knackered. Before I was able to do the second test, I needed everything to be in order. I tidied and cleaned the house. This may sound odd but I needed everything to feel sorted if I was to find out I was pregnant as it was going to be such a huge thing to take on board…Does that make sense?
So followed the second test and this time I weed into a small container so I could dip the stick…much more practical. (Note to housemates – yes I did throw out the container…it didn’t end up back in the cupboard!)
This time there was no doubt, it immediately showed I was pregnant. The cross (that confirms you’re pregnant) came up straight away. I think I felt relieved and happy although slightly worried as I wasn’t in the best financial situation. I called Shaun and asked, “Do you want me to tell you over the phone or would you rather wait till you come home after work?” He said he’d prefer to find out it person. The only thing was I was off to see my Mum and sisters again that afternoon and knew I’d just have to tell them. I explained this to him, which kind of gave it away and he said, “Right I’m coming home now.”
He was back within half an hour; luckily he was working locally that day. We sat on the bed and I simply said, “It’s positive.” I think his response was something like, “riiiight.” I’m not sure either of us knew exactly how we felt. Certainly pleased deep down – in a, ‘this is what we both eventually want, i.e. a family’ way. But at the same time, I’d just been made redundant and it was only a few months ago we split up for a month (because he was being annoying!)
The one thing I was sure of…it was meant to be. We hadn’t been trying for a baby. We had been using the withdrawal method which clearly isn’t fool proof but we had been for years and I’d never fallen pregnant. I’m convinced that while I was a News Editor and Breakfast Presenter, my body simply couldn’t cope with a pregnancy as well. The news job was often stressful and while the presenting job was a dream role, getting up at 4am was really hard and I’m sure, a strain on my body. I’ve worked out that I must have fallen pregnant just a month or so after leaving Heart. It’s like my body thought, “Wahoo, I can finally make a baby,” or perhaps the baby thought, “that’s it, I’ve waited long enough, I’m on my way.” :-)
In my next blog I'll talk about my first scan, baby names and some of the really weird pregnancy and mum-to-be thoughts I have x
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